"I meditate, therefore I fail."
--Matthew Toellner
A blog about a simple, highly-effective habit that's impossible to master and frustrating as !@#$%.
A blog about a simple, highly-effective habit that's impossible to master and frustrating as !@#$%.
post: 16-Jan-2023 by mtoellner
"My shoulders naturally slouch when I'm sitting cross-legged or in a chair. It takes too much effort to relax this way.
If I sit on my feet, they start cramping up in 10 seconds. I quit."
Sitting comfortably gets easier with practice. Use plenty of pillows and try the hero pose. What is the hero pose, you ask? Look it up. If you still can’t sit comfortably, I recommend trying a kneeling chair.
post: 25-Jan-2023 by mtoellner
"I'm trying to establish a "normal" breathing pattern but it's not working out. I get distracted. Sometimes I feel the need for a big inhale."
Find a comfortable breathing pattern. The exhale is the most important part. Try breathing in for 2 seconds and out for 4 seconds. Experiment and find your ratio or rhythm. You can also exhale slowly by gently contracting your throat muscles, as if you’re creating a soft breeze. This creates a subtle vibration you can feel and focus on.
post: 1-Feb-2023 by mtoellner
"I'm actually feeling nice and relaxed and my breathing is flowing. Uh, oh... I feel an itch! Now I can't stop thinking about it. Ugh!"
If you’re seriously uncomfortable, adjust your position. Don’t suffer through a leg cramp, for example. But a simple nose itch is an easy and even fun challenge that will strengthen your focus later when dealing with shite that truly matters. Embrace it.
post: 8-Feb-2023 by mtoellner
"Breathe in... breathe out. Yeah duh, I get it. But then my mind gets bored and I lose focus."
Boredom can lead to all sorts of trouble, and that’s not why we’re here. There are several simple strategies you can use. During your exhale, try repeating this mind-centering phrase: Eyes...shoulders... body... relax. Make a conscious effort to relax each area as you say it. You may be surprised how much tension melts away from your shoulders.
post: 14-Feb-2023 by mtoellner
"How long has it been so far? What time was it when I started? Can I stop now?!?"
Time is captivating. It’s tempting to peek at the clock or keep track of the minutes in your head. But don’t feel pressured by a schedule. It’s okay if you only meditate for a minute or two. Some days you’ll be in the zone; other days you’ll want to stop shortly after starting. The goal is to build a solid habit, not to obsess over the clock while you’re trying to breathe.
post: 21-Feb-2023 by mtoellner
"I don't have time for this shite."
Really? That sounds like an excuse. A wise person once said, “I have so much to accomplish today that I must meditate for two hours instead of one.” Bonus points if you know who said it. Meditation is not a break from productivity—it’s preparation for it.
post: 27-Feb-2023 by mtoellner
"Forgive me brain, it's been weeks since my last meditation."
Even the most dedicated practitioners experience lulls in their meditation habits. A few days away from home and out of your routine can quickly lead to inactivity. When building any good habit, it’s important not to beat yourself up over missed time. Live in the present, dust off your mind, and begin again.
post: 6-Mar-2023 by mtoellner
"Dammit kitty that's a bad kitty!!"
Pets are notorious for interrupting when you’re trying to focus. They always seem to want food, attention, or something. Don’t resent them if they interrupt your practice—they’re just curious. Over time, they may even learn your routine and give you space. Or maybe not. Still, pets are often experts at prolonged states of calm and focused relaxation. We could learn a thing or two from them.
post: 13-Mar-2023 by mtoellner
"I wish my friend would stop complaining about their situation."
By now, you probably expect your thoughts to wander while you’re sitting and trying to focus. It’s easy to get caught up thinking about a friend or loved one you wish would take charge of their life. The fact that it’s on your mind signals that it matters to you. Relax, refocus, and treat it as an opportunity. Perhaps there’s a healthy habit you can gently suggest.
post: 20-Mar-2023 by mtoellner
"When do the supposed benefits of this kick in?"
If you’re waiting for a dramatic, tangible effect—like the first drag of a cigarette in the morning—you’ll likely be disappointed. You must believe it’s working, because it is. Research suggests meaningful changes take around eight weeks, but you’re probably already noticing subtle improvements. More importantly, you’re building a good habit. One good habit makes the next one easier, and that momentum compounds.
post: 27-Mar-2023 by mtoellner
"I'm just not feeling the love."
It may be time to introduce some positive messaging alongside your relaxed breathing. During your exhales, reflect on the following three statements—one per breath—and visualize each scene clearly in your mind:
"I am powerful and I am loved." (imagine receiving a big bear hug from a friend)
"I am powerful and I am loving." (imagine giving a big bear hug to a friend)
"I am powerful and I love it!" (are you smiling yet?)
post: 4-Apr-2023 by mtoellner
"Do I look stupid just sitting here?"
The answer is yes—if you genuinely care what other people think. But most people don’t give a shite about what you’re doing. And unless you’re meditating in a public park, no one will even see you. Here’s a simple trick: sit with dignity. Let your posture remind you why you’re doing this. Any insecurity will fade after a few sessions.
post: 10-Apr-2023 by mtoellner
"I've just completed a great meditation session and am ready to tackle the rest of my day! What am I missing?"
You’re forgetting one crucial step: the reinforcing closing statement. Say this: "GOOD JOB, <your first name>!"
Say it loudly. Say it twice. Say it like you mean it. Make it a habit. Give yourself a pat on the back. Use this closing statement when completing other tasks as well.
post: 18-Apr-2023 by mtoellner
"My mind is ready but I just can't get my body to relax."
You’ve made the effort today. The room is quiet and you’re seated. You close your eyes, begin to breathe and focus—and then tension appears. Your muscles tingle and you struggle to relax. Why not build on one of our Week 1 lessons? Take the “Eyes... shoulders... body... relax” chant on your exhale and expand it. Replace “body” with a different body part each round. Start with your feet and move upward—calves, knees, thighs, hips, and so on. It becomes a mindful body scan!
post: 26-Apr-2023 by mtoellner
"I'm done meditating. Time to watch TV."
Congratulations. Good job, you. But don’t stop there. Since you’re already in a productive rhythm, consider stacking another positive habit on top. Try stretching or doing a brief exercise session immediately after your breathing practice. You’ve already established a steady tempo—use your exhales to guide your movement. Your body will thank you.
post: 3-May-2023 by mtoellner
"Feels like I spend more time trying to avoid mental distractions than actually meditating!"
Sometimes that feeling is accurate. We already know the mind is wired to wander. But remember, meditation is a practice. Learning to focus without distractions would be like learning to drive on an empty road. Real skill comes from handling traffic. Distractions aren’t interruptions to the practice—they are the practice.
Have a meditation fail to share? Contact me!